screenplay EXERCISE

[ac_01]

Steak sandwich. [img]wink.gif[/img]

Some bits I liked:
The scene with the dog where he's apathetic to the whole situation.
The muted sound from Amy's screaming.

For some reason I expected there to be more of an inner struggle from Joshua. I mean, he likes Amy but he didn't think twice about having her for dinner. If you know what I mean. I would have expected/liked to see him to struggle with his animal self over killing Amy. That would have made him a bit more tragic.

But apart from that it was good. A solid piece. Written well.

[deanl]

Hey there.

Just testing something.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">code:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><pre> FADE IN:

INT. A ROOM - NIGHT

A normal looking room, decorated and furnished with no
particular style. A coffee table, a TV a couch. Nothing
special. Moonlight streams in from a small window at the far
side of the room.

A MAN stands at the same window, looking at the dark night
sky.

(V.O.)
Some people would call this my prison...
My cell... Nothing more than my
upholstered ****eon... They're wrong of
course... This is the only place I can
truly be free. The only place I can be
me...

EXT. PARK - DAY

A lush green park on a warm summers day. People are playing
all kinds of games, having picnics and enjoying the warm
weather.

JOSHUWA BAPKIN a good looking man in his early thirties,
walks through the park. Just in front of Joshuwa a man walks
his dog. Joshuwa watches the man as he viciously pulls on the
dogs lead. The dog cowers at his "masters" heel.

Joshuwa, the Man and his Dog walk past a group of teenagers
play FRISBEE.

The dog see's the Frisbee in the air and tries to run in that
direction. Once again the man pulls viciously at the lead,
the leather strap snaps... The dog escapes, running strait
for the Frisbee.

The dog follows the Frisbee through the air. Barking and
growling the dog heads strait for the Frisbee, which is now
in the hands of a TEENAGE BOY.

The Boys fellow Frisbee players look on in horror.

MAN
(shouting to the boy)
Drop it... Michael, throw it away.

The boy throws the Frisbee... It's too late...

The dog has lost all interest in the toy and jumps up at the
terrified boy, biting and scratching at his arm.

Bystanders scream as they see the horrific attack play out in
front of them. Joshuwa watches as men and women run over and
try and pull the rabid dog away.

He finishes his cigarette, lights another and walks on.
Leaving the mayhem behind him.

EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY

Joshuwa still smoking, approaches A SMALL SEEDY BAR. He gets
rid of the cigarette and looks at his watch. It's stopped.
He taps it with his finger. That doesn't help. He takes at a
long look at the clear blue sky, drops the cigarette and goes
inside.

INT. BAR - DAY

The bar is dead. Joshuwa takes a looks around. He sees just
the BARTENDER and a few HARD DRINKERS.

He heads for the bar.

BARTENDER
What can I get ya?

JOSHUWA
Whiskey... Strait.

The Bartender fixes the drink and passes it over.

Joshuwa downs it in one and points to the bottle.

JOSHUWA (CONT'D)
Another.

The Bartender fixes a second drink. Again, Joshuwa downs it
in one.

JOSHUWA (CONT'D)
One more.

(O.S.)
(Jokingly)
Well gee whizz. Someone's thirsty.

Joshuwa turns around to see AMY, a smart looking women in her
twenties. She sits at a table surrounded by a pile of books.
She looks totally out of place in the bar.

AMY
I could buy you a bowl of water if you
really want to quench that thirst.

Holding up his third drink.

JOSHUWA
No. Thanks. This will be fine.

AMY
It's just that you don't look like the
usual Monday afternoon whiskey drinker.

JOSHUWA
I'm not. It's one of those days. You
know?

AMY
Sit here long enough and you see all
kinds of "those days"... I'm sorry. I'm
Amy.

The pair shake hands.

JOSHUWA
I'm Joshuwa. What about you?

Looking at the books on the table.
What kind of day is this?

AMY
I don't know. A tedious one?

JOSHUWA
Can I buy you a drink?

AMY
No. I'm fine thanks... Pointing to the
seat opposite.

AMY (CONT'D)
Take the weight off.

Joshuwa takes a seat.

JOSHUWA
So what are you doing in a place like
this? I'm sure there are better places
to study...

He picks up a book and reads the title.

JOSHUWA (CONT'D)
Cats?

AMY
Zoology. The reason I'm in a place like
this, is my father owns it.

JOSHUWA
Really? Nice.

AMY
(sarcastically)
Yup. One day, all this will be mine.

JOSHUWA
That's quite a legacy.

AMY
Maybe one day I'll convert it...

JOSHUWA
Into what? A Zoo?

AMY
I was thinking of something on a somewhat
smaller scale.

The two giggle.

AMY (CONT'D)
So... We know why I'm here...

There is an awkward silence.

JOSHUWA
(Jokingly)
You should be encouraging your clientele
to come in here and drink.
(Takes a moment)
Not questioning their motives.

Another awkward pause.

AMY
OK, Joshuwa. You seem like a nice guy.
And I'm feeling adventuress.

She looks at her watch.

AMY (CONT'D)
It's lunchtime. I'm Hungry. You want to
come and get something to eat with me?

Joshuwa seems shocked by how forward Amy is.

JOSHUWA
Sure... I could go for a steak sandwich.

AMY
So your a meat eater...

Amy looks to the bartender.
Hey Jimmy.

The bartender looks back. Amy points to the books.

AMY (CONT'D)
I'm going to leave this stuff here and go
get some lunch.

He nods an OK and goes back to what he was doing.

Amy stands up and picks up her bag.

AMY (CONT'D)
(to Joshuwa)
Come on... You waiting for a written
invitation? Lets go eat.

EXT. STREET - LATER

Joshuwa and Amy walk down a busy street. Their body language
is much more intimate than you would expect from two people
who have known each other for just a couple of hours. They
could almost pass for a couple.

AMY
I've really enjoyed myself today. Your a
refreshing change Mr. Joshuwa Bapkin.

JOSHUWA
I'm sure you say that to all the boys.

AMY
I don't make a habit or picking up men
you know. Especially men from my dads
bar.

JOSHUWA
So that's what you did? You picked me
up?

AMY
You seemed like a nice enough guy. I
thought I would treat you to lunch.
I had a great time. So I guess the
gamble paid off.

JOSHUWA
You paid for lunch. How about you let me
pay for dinner? Are you doing anything
tonight?

AMY
Are you asking me on a date?

JOSHUWA
I'm asking you to have dinner with me.
If you wanna call it a date, That's fine
by me.

AMY
Then a date it is.

JOSHUWA
What time should I pick you up?

AMY
About Nine?

JOSHUWA
NO.
(beat)
I mean... That's a little late for me.

AMY
Eight?

JOSHUWA
Great.

AMY
I'll come and pick you up. I prefer to
drive. Is that OK.

JOSHUWA
What? Yes. Yes of course. Even better.

They are back outside the Bar.

AMY
Well this is me.

JOSHUWA
So I guess I will see you at eight.

AMY
Aren't you forgetting something?

JOSHUWA
Erm..... I don't know.

AMY
Your address. I have no idea where you
live.

JOSHUWA
Oh, right. I'm sorry. Taking out a
piece of paper.

JOSHUWA (CONT'D)
Do you have a pen?

EXT. PARK - DAY

It's later in the day and the park is almost empty.

Joshuwa walks past the scene of the dog attack earlier that
day.

He walks across the grass to the exact spot where it
happened. Kneeling Down, he sees a pool of dried blood on the
grass. Dog or man. It's impossible to tell. Its just a dark
mess.

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

EXT. NIGHT SKY

It's a clear night. Stars surround a bright full moon.

INT. A ROOM - NIGHT

The same room we started in. Joshuwa stands looking out of
the window at the dark night sky. The full moon casts a blue
tint over his face and the room.

JOSHUWA (V.O.)
Some people would call this my prison...

Joshuwa backs away from the window we see for the first time
the window has bars across the outside.

JOSHUWA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
My cell...

Joshuwa walks over to the door. It is kept shut via dozens
of locks.

He takes the keys from each lock and pushes them through the
letter box and out of reach.

He turns and looks at the room.

JOSHUWA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Nothing more than my upholstered
****eon...

With his back to us, Joshuwa heads to the closet.

JOSHUWA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
They're wrong of course...

He opens the closet. AMY gagged and bound, falls out and
hits the floor violently.

Joshuwa un-gaggs her.

She starts screaming.

The sound of the scene changes becomes more muted.

The V.O stays at a constant volume.

JOSHUWA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
This is the only place I can truly be
free.

Joshuwa walks back over to the window, takes one last look at
the dark night sky, at the bright full moon.

He reaches up and pulls down an steal shutter. The kind that
covers the front of shops. It was hidden by the certain.

The window is closed off completely.

In the background we see Amy struggle to her feet. She heads
for the door, trying somehow to get it open. It's pointless.

JOSHUWA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The only place I can be me...

We see Joshuwa from behind, as he locks the shutter. He turns
and looks over his shoulder. We punch into a C.U on his
face.

JOSHUWA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The ONLY place I can be me.

Joshuwa's eyes turn RED. His face distorts.

Random patches of fur begin to sprout from his face.

His teeth grow.

We hear Amy's scream in the back ground get louder and
louder.

FADE TO BLACK:

We hear the screams joined by a evil growling noise. Then
Chaos.

THE END:
</pre></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

Despin out.

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ December 31, 2002 11:18 AM: Message edited by: Despin entertainment ]</font>

[deanl]

Hey there.

Well it didnt work. So just forget you ever saw it.

Despin out.

[ickle_jim]

it sorta worked. Center aligned stuff... but the double spacing wasnt there [img]confused.gif[/img]

[emjen]

woah how did you do that?

Enlighten us with your wisdom.

[miker]

it also shows up as fixed-width font in my browser, which is a **** of a lot easier to read.

[Gemela]

Yeah this sounds good. I am willing to give it a go. I'm not bothered by the subject, i would be willing to do any of your ideas. It will be a good way for me to get the oppinion of others. Plus i'm on holidays now anyway so i have alot of time to write my scripts.
Gemma

[Ralph Snart]

The audience is facing three offset flat plasma display monitors. Connected to computers etc.
The outer two are still behind curtains.

(Let's use the Zen and the art of moterbike maint as a baseline. The Narr. is the fruitcake.)

Three to five minuits of music and a pastel central screen; charcoal or dark blue. lead into the opening narration.
(it gives the production an epic feel re:BEN HUR and the music is a forshadowing of future events. I saw something like it work at a shownig of foul play.)

The narr begins speaking to the audience in a distracted but intent tone of voice as if he is speaking to himself.

As the music draws to a close stop motion clouds begin to move without relent across center screen.

Music fades:
Storm sounds build along with a distracted melody.

Narr 1: "Have you ever walked; not very fast, against a chill autumn breeze. That- nothing sound that you keep with you; makes you feel hollow and alone, if you think about it to much or for to long or often.

People ask me what it was like then and what it is like now."

the last words echo as...

Tim and Leon enter with a mood of quiet conspiricy.
Wispering and sniggering.

Narr 2: (unseen)"But then again they have been like that since the storm; and people just consider it the good grace of god. And hope it does not get much worse."

Leon: "Chuckachuckazorrrt! *********** , snicker."

Tim: "Perty!"

Images of small furry creatures and people in frogmen outfits flury by on the screens.

Narr 2: (unseen) "Christ!"


Leon: "gizzitchuckle... you hear somthin'?"

Tim: "The only thin' I hear is old lady Cornwallace defending the chastity and virtue of her prize winning Sow.

Leon: "I never liked that pig to begin with."

Tim: "Leon a times you concern me."